This article is part of SELF’s Rest Week, an editorial package dedicated to doing less. If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that taking care of yourself, physically and emotionally, is impossible withoutgenuine downtime. With that in mind, we’ll be publishing articles up until the new year to help you make a habit of taking breaks, chilling out, and slowing down. (And we’re taking our own advice: The SELF staff will be OOO during this time!) We hope to inspire you to take it easy and get some rest, whatever that looks like for you.
Angela Neal-Barnett, PhD, finds solace under her hair dryer. That’s when, for just a few moments, she can truly relax. The psychologist and director of theProgram for Research on Anxiety Disorders Among African Americansat Kent State University is legally deaf. She uses cochlear implants and hearing aids throughout the day, but when she dries her hair, there’s no noise. “I feel calmer and do my best thinking then. It’s forced relaxation,” Dr. Neal-Barnett tells SELF.
“Forced relaxation” sounds like an oxymoron. But in today’s overstimulating and relentless world, sometimes it takes a little push to actually unwind. And if you’re feeling like it’shard to chill out, that’s perfectly common,Bonnie Zucker, PsyD, author ofA Perfectionist’s Guide to Not Being Perfect, tells SELF. Even if relaxing can feel hard as hell, learning to do it is incredibly important. Biologically speaking, “we aren’t designed togo, go, go,” Dr. Zucker says. “Our nature is not to have a nonstop 12-hour workday and a six-hour sleep cycle. That’s really going against what our biological needs call for, which is adequate downtime.”
Without relaxation, neither our bodies nor our brains can function optimally, Dr. Zucker explains. Take the amygdala, an almond-shaped region considered to be the emotional center of the brain. It’s activated when we’re under stress, but it’s not meant to be triggered 24/7—in fact, amygdala inactivity has been linked withlower levels of anxiety and depression. Thevagus nerve, an integral part of the body’s parasympathetic“rest and digest” system (the counter to our fight-or-flight response) also needs periods of inactivity to do its thing, Dr. Zucker says, adding, “This will only happen when we have downtime.” Being present is “the antidote to feeling anxious,” she says. “When we’re anxious, we’re thinking about things that could go wrong in the future. Simply being, helps us relax in the moment and focus on what’s right in front of us.”
Getting to a place where you’re okay justbeing and chilling out is “a gift,” Dr. Zucker says. That’s not just because of the roughly gazillion benefits that come with letting go a little: Relaxing, she says, is a core part of human nature. If you feel like you’ve lost (or have never had) the ability to do nothing “productive” and feel good about it, let this be your guide.
How to get better at chilling out
“There’s no one-size-fits-all advice for learning how to relax,” Dr. Zucker says. But there are some fruitful places to start—including these five expert-approved ways to get more comfortable with doing a whole lot of nothing.
1. Get to the bottom of your relaxation guilt.
Licensed clinical psychologistAdia Gooden, PhD, tells SELF that we’re just “used to being busy,” which can make rest feel foreign and downright uncomfortable. “We live in a society that values productivity and output,” Dr. Gooden says. “Often, people connect their sense of worthinessto being productive.”
